Monday, December 28, 2009

Exodus of the Mind, Y'all. (aka Fade Away/Go Insane)

Clocks ticking out of sync as an upbeat/downbeat rhythm. My mouth longs to move, but the words find no ears to fall upon in a rapture. Sometimes I find myself squeezing my eyes shut tightly as if I will be able to open them to find something different. I don't know why. You affect me more than you should. As if should factors in gauging my success at life. When the darkness of a starred city sky deepens the space around my body, I find myself slowly floating downward and away (a rock descends towards the sea bottom as the light fades in gradients). Especially when such emo drivel pours through my all honesty, I'd scrawl this inanity into a handwritten journal with the understanding that no one at all, including myself, would indulge it until I was dead. Ha! But of course, that old thing sits dusting on the shelf besides my desk back in the city. Alas...subjecting my raw self blindly to the masses.

Statement and question carrying dual interpretations: The phone unused at this moment and likely until morning. Can you hold me until my thoughts slow to stillness and all that is left is the sound of lungs exhaling over synced heart beats?

It's hard to grasp how long I can handle living within such a dual existence. Between two cities I am torn. Oo. I've closed my eyes and reopened to the same blinking bar and black Courier letters and quivering potential tears. If suddenly I felt the gentle weight of your palm pressing down upon my shoulder with fingertips expanding to share surface, I could close my eyes and be somewhere else.

I'm frustrated yet again to find myself shitting all over after a hilarious evening b/c the sun went down. I mean, I'm not forcing myself to listen to Joy Division and kick leaves, but, Jesus Christo, angst wins again.


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