Monday, August 30, 2010

at least you don't dress like a jackass.

To risk losing my cred as quite the moody one, I reckoned I could focus on the positives for a moment like I used to.

It's an odd sensation to live in this city. To both love and loathe it simultaneously. While manning the helm towards getting the hell out of here, I've gotten quite caught up in how much I've changed in my time here. As Natalie and I sat on a bench in Central Park this evening, as the sun slowly set behind and the lights around us came to life, reflecting across the pond, illuminating the tiny creatures and creating shadows on the faces of the people milling about, secrets unraveled freeing thoughts formerly unspoken. Part of me wonders if I'd have the guts to do half the shit I do if not for the perpetual beat down. We're proud, I guess, to still be here. To not have abandoned ship after a year.

I wonder if I'm missing much. Though the thought disperses when I pedal hard and then coast upon potholed streets, fresh cool air skimming across my skin, willing my brain to hear only my breath. I guess you're not supposed to play the game of comparison. But, with a mind that tends to pace, I drift into a vision of the other side. Who am I in this city? Who could I be with this man? It's daunting to grow older and see paths fade into the distance. To risk letting go when all I want is to hold on.


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